Before I had kids I had this vision of what dinner would be like, it was very Cleaver-esque, obviously. We would all sit around the dinner table, laughing, sharing sweet anecdotes from our day, and truly basking in each other's company. Of course, all of this would happen while enjoying a delicious, nutritionally balanced meal made from scratch by my loving hands. Oh, the magical evenings we were going to have.
Ha. And now here we are, three kids later, surviving dinner like we are making it out of Wal Mart with a big screen TV on Black Friday. The pain is real. Each of my kids is so unique in their eating habits, that it is literally impossible to make all of them happy. Reese will eat 80% of what you put in front of her with minimal bitching and moaning. Camden complains about every.single.thing on his plate, short of chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. And Everett loves all forms of food, so long as Camden isnt in the room, or is eating it. If Cam isn't eating it then neither is Everett. The only meal that all three of them agree on is teriyaki chicken over steamed rice. I should probably just give up and cook that every night. But then again, if I made my nights so simple how could I justify my wine? Mom problems, yo.
Anyways, tonight started like any other dinner. I made something super complex, ramen noodles, chicken and mixed veggies. I even put soy sauce on everything. Noodles were the main part of this dinner, for crying out loud. Tonight was Reese's turn to complain, and it went something like this.
Reese: "I want to eat outside with my friends!"
Me: "Sorry babe, we are all eating inside tonight."
At this point the boys and Mark make their way inside for dinner. Camden starts complaining about what's for dinner before he even reaches the kitchen. Back to Reese.
Reese: "My chicken is too spicey!"
Me: "I didn't even put anything on it. I just cooked it in a pan."
Reese: "I can see the pepper on it!"
(Please note that I didn't put any pepper on it)
Me: "There is no pepper on the chicken."
Reese: "Continues pouting."
Dinner continues on, Camden eats his allotted food, and Everett eats everything on his plate, so we offer him more noodles.
Reese: "I want more noodles!"
Me: "After you eat the rest of the food on your plate you can have more noodles."
Reese: "THATS NOT FAIR!"
Everyone finishes dinner, except for Reese, who is now actively pouting and Mark is threatening to send her to bed. It's basically like trying to reason with the eight year old version of Caillou. Oh wait, now she has to use the bathroom. The dinner saga has now been going on for 45 minutes.
Reese: "Can I have a hug?"
Me: (in my head)" For the love of cheese, eat your freaking dinner or I will never show you affection again!"
Me: (out loud) "After you finish your dinner I will give you a hug."
The pouting continues for 15 more minutes before Mark gives up and sends her to bed. What the hell, man, why is it such a fight? and the thing is, if it wasn't her tonight it would have been Everett, refusing to keep his penis off the table, or Camden, refusing to keep his body in his seat, and his feet off of Everett.
All I wanted was one night, happy like the Cleavers, but I've recalibrated my expectations. Pass me the wine, I'll just enjoy dinner through wine googles. They're kind of like beer goggles, but takes the edge off of ugly dinner and bedtime episodes instead of all of those 6's at the bar. 😉
No comments:
Post a Comment