Remember last year, or maybe the year before when this blog about the end of the school year was making the rounds? I swear, that mom and I could be BEST FRIENDS FOREVER. She just gets that the end of the school year is basically parties and not even worth the energy it takes to get your kids to school. But here's the thing, it's December and I already feel that way. Like, she's limping across the finish line and I'm not even at the halfway mark yet, and I totally give up.
I should have known that this year was doomed for failure when I lied on Reese's reading log on the first week of school. Twenty minutes a night is overkill anyways. But seriously, I had no idea that today was Reese's class party. Apparently the email AND the paper flyer that came home last Friday didn't make it through my "fuck school" mentality. Or, maybe, just maybe I blacked out the thought that I would have to get through an entire morning routine, with three children, two of which hate the mornings, for my child to learn nothing and party all day. And these party people are the people trying to convince me that twenty minutes a night is important? Oh girl.
And the thing is, the kids are just as done as I am. Camden doesn't start school until 11:20, and this morning I let him have a PJ play date from 8am until it was time to go to school. Don't worry, I set aside five minutes for him to change his clothes and brush his teeth. The Elf isn't even helping anymore. They realize that his beady little eyes can only follow you so far, and then they're on their own. They act like little angels in front of Snowflake, and as soon as they're out of eye shot they turn into wild children who might be being raised by wolves. It's like I'm raising criminals, and training them to only be bad when the police aren't watching.
Everett hasn't even had a nap this week, because four of five days have been early release. Dude, just give us all five days. OR. Bundle all those early release hours up and let us start Christmas break one day early. Both big kids are having two days of parties this week, so I'm thinking that the only people more done than I am are the teachers. Today when I was volunteering in Camden's class I'm 98% sure that we were teaching the kindergarteners how to play craps. I mean, it's a life skill so I happily participated. Plus, I have no idea how to play craps (because pregnant at 19, obvi) so we both learned something.
We are so, so close to the end of this week, and tomorrow is even PJ day, so I don't even have to get anyone dressed. Two more lunches to pack, two more reading logs to forge, two more drop offs and we are done for two whole weeks. Cheers to that!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Movement Without Fear
In super exciting news, I had my 3 month post op appointment last week! Here we are, three months and some change, well on the road to recovery, and I'm still in pain. When I went into this surgery people who knew me and loved me were so optimistic for me. I constantly heard "You're so young, and in great shape, you'll heal so much faster than you think!" I took that sentence to heart, and clung to it for dear life.
I was so scared going into surgery. Every single thing was unknown. Will we be able to do it arthroscopically or will it have to be an open incision? Can we repair the cartilage or will we have to shave it down? What other damage is there? Even the morning of surgery, talking to my doctor there was no clear plan, but more of a "here are the three options that I am comfortable doing today." My surgery was supposed to take 2 hours, and it ended up taking 5. Instead of my doctor just doing one of the possible surgeries he did all three. My labrum was able to be repaired instead of shaved, but it was completely detached and is now held into place by 6 suture anchors. He had to shave 1/2 an inch of bone off of my hip in one spot alone. I had two different types of impingement that had to be corrected. All of this to say, it didn't matter how young I am, or what good shape I was in, I had every worst case scenario and this wasn't going to be a smooth and easy recovery.
I think that's what has caught me the most off guard. Just how slow this process is. But is it always this slow? No. There are much milder versions of this surgery, I just didn't have any of them. Going into this I had read all of the blogs, and the medical websites, and everything I could, and while reading on paper how slow it was didn't phase me, living it has just about killed me. Six weeks ago I was cleared to walk my kids to school. That's it. That's as far as I was allowed to go. "Healing takes time, and we want the right amount of scar tissue to form, and my bone was so freshly shaved." I heard these words, but I hated them.
When I woke up from my surgery I thought that every day would be better, and I would be pain free in no time. But the truth is, you don't wake up pain free. There is no one day 'ah-ha!' moment. You are still in pain. The sky is still blue. It's a new kind of pain, and it's scary. You've just undergone 5 hours of hellacious surgery, were stuck to your couch for 6 weeks, are barely allowed to walk 1/4 of a mile, and you're still in fucking pain. The pain is getting better. It isn't something that stops me from doing things anymore, and three months and some change later I can say that it is better than the day that I went in for surgery. Did I mention that this process is slow?
With all that being said, I still am afraid with most of my movements. Random things catch me off guard, the twisting of my leg just wrong, bending just at the wrong angle, getting out of bed wrong. Every move that I make is a conscious one. The other day in the grocery store Camden accidentally kicked the side of my foot while he was running by me, and it caused my foot to turn out, and the amount of pain that I was in at that moment almost dropped me to the ground in tears.
Last week my doctor cleared me to walk as far as I want! I didn't realize at the time what that meant to me. I didn't realize it until yesterday when I took Everett and the dog on a 1.25 mile walk. Clearly it isn't a far distance, but there was this beautiful moment, walking down a trail, on such a gorgeous day, with the sun was shining, the trees such a vibrant green, and I just felt free. Like all of this was finally becoming worth it. It was such an emotional moment, one that I didn't know I needed, but was so, so needed. This is the path that I couldn't wait to be on. Taking my toddler on a walk, stopping to bend down and look at the streams, zigging and zagging, and just living.
I still have three more months until I can go back to things like running, and the gym. But, I did get cleared to work my back, shoulders & chest at the gym! Woot, I'm about to be that 'don't forget leg day' meme making the rounds.
I was so scared going into surgery. Every single thing was unknown. Will we be able to do it arthroscopically or will it have to be an open incision? Can we repair the cartilage or will we have to shave it down? What other damage is there? Even the morning of surgery, talking to my doctor there was no clear plan, but more of a "here are the three options that I am comfortable doing today." My surgery was supposed to take 2 hours, and it ended up taking 5. Instead of my doctor just doing one of the possible surgeries he did all three. My labrum was able to be repaired instead of shaved, but it was completely detached and is now held into place by 6 suture anchors. He had to shave 1/2 an inch of bone off of my hip in one spot alone. I had two different types of impingement that had to be corrected. All of this to say, it didn't matter how young I am, or what good shape I was in, I had every worst case scenario and this wasn't going to be a smooth and easy recovery.
I think that's what has caught me the most off guard. Just how slow this process is. But is it always this slow? No. There are much milder versions of this surgery, I just didn't have any of them. Going into this I had read all of the blogs, and the medical websites, and everything I could, and while reading on paper how slow it was didn't phase me, living it has just about killed me. Six weeks ago I was cleared to walk my kids to school. That's it. That's as far as I was allowed to go. "Healing takes time, and we want the right amount of scar tissue to form, and my bone was so freshly shaved." I heard these words, but I hated them.
When I woke up from my surgery I thought that every day would be better, and I would be pain free in no time. But the truth is, you don't wake up pain free. There is no one day 'ah-ha!' moment. You are still in pain. The sky is still blue. It's a new kind of pain, and it's scary. You've just undergone 5 hours of hellacious surgery, were stuck to your couch for 6 weeks, are barely allowed to walk 1/4 of a mile, and you're still in fucking pain. The pain is getting better. It isn't something that stops me from doing things anymore, and three months and some change later I can say that it is better than the day that I went in for surgery. Did I mention that this process is slow?
With all that being said, I still am afraid with most of my movements. Random things catch me off guard, the twisting of my leg just wrong, bending just at the wrong angle, getting out of bed wrong. Every move that I make is a conscious one. The other day in the grocery store Camden accidentally kicked the side of my foot while he was running by me, and it caused my foot to turn out, and the amount of pain that I was in at that moment almost dropped me to the ground in tears.
Last week my doctor cleared me to walk as far as I want! I didn't realize at the time what that meant to me. I didn't realize it until yesterday when I took Everett and the dog on a 1.25 mile walk. Clearly it isn't a far distance, but there was this beautiful moment, walking down a trail, on such a gorgeous day, with the sun was shining, the trees such a vibrant green, and I just felt free. Like all of this was finally becoming worth it. It was such an emotional moment, one that I didn't know I needed, but was so, so needed. This is the path that I couldn't wait to be on. Taking my toddler on a walk, stopping to bend down and look at the streams, zigging and zagging, and just living.
I still have three more months until I can go back to things like running, and the gym. But, I did get cleared to work my back, shoulders & chest at the gym! Woot, I'm about to be that 'don't forget leg day' meme making the rounds.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Sunday Funday!
I have this shirt, and I'm trying really hard to love it. It's soft, and cozy, and a little bit big, and really really comfortable. But, it's a flannel plaid, and I'm fairly certain that I look like a lumberjack in it. In fact, I bet that if I were to go to Home Depot right now they'd look at me and be like "Nah, she doesn't need any help, she's got this." To make matters worse I'm currently using a pencil to keep my hair up in a bun, because why not? This is why you try on clothes before you buy them.
Speaking of buying, I am feeling so jaded by this Christmas season. This morning Mark and I took the kids to see Big Hero 6 (totally adorable, and worth going to see), and there was an entire preview where every Disney character was asking a kid "What'dya get?" Seriously? Ridiculous. I'm so over Disney right now that it's also ridiculous, but that's another post for another time. Anyways, back to my point. This Christmas break the kids and I are going to focus on acts of service, and giving our time to people who aren't as lucky as we are. We are going to sit down and brainstorm one to two things each that we can accomplish. Anyone have any ideas? I was thinking the SPCA for Cam, and something involving the Sacramento Children's House for Reese.
Oh my gosh! I finally did it. I stepped on the scale for the very first time post surgery. It is seriously the most nerve wracking thing ever! I've been wanting to do it for weeks, but it stresses me out so badly that I have to do it in a quick wave of courage. Scales should cause 100% less anxiety than this. Anyways, I was so pleasantly surprised! I've lost 4 pounds since surgery, which puts me at 134lbs. You know what that means? I've officially lost 20lbs since May 1st! I realize that it's 6 months, and that the bulk of that weight was lost in the first 9 weeks, however, what I'm most excited about is that I haven't yo-yo'd! I've maintained or slowly lost. This has totally motivated me to get back to meal prepping, and IIFYM.
I'm trying to start shifting my meals to be more Whole30 compliant now, so that when I start it (on Jan 1st, join me!) I don't go through major carb withdrawals. I still haven't bit the bullet and tried Bulletproof Coffee, but I want to. I just get so sad at the thought of only starting my day with one cup of coffee. I don't even think that I turn into a nice person until I reach the bottom of my second cup. And, that's a lot of butter. Have you tried it? Let me know what you think of it!
I'm trying to start shifting my meals to be more Whole30 compliant now, so that when I start it (on Jan 1st, join me!) I don't go through major carb withdrawals. I still haven't bit the bullet and tried Bulletproof Coffee, but I want to. I just get so sad at the thought of only starting my day with one cup of coffee. I don't even think that I turn into a nice person until I reach the bottom of my second cup. And, that's a lot of butter. Have you tried it? Let me know what you think of it!
Thursday, December 4, 2014
How I Ruined the Baby.
Do you guys do Elf on the Shelf? I seriously love that little thing. Nothing says "Santa's watching!" like a tiny little person shaped stuffed animals, whose beady little eyes follow your every move. It's like she's daring my kids to misbehave, and they know that the consequences won't be worth it, so they act like little angels. Do you think I can keep this going until July? Cause I'm thinking I should.
Ooh! This weekend the Christmas season officially kicks off for us! I'm so excited. Reese is in the towns holiday parade and tree lighting ceremony on Saturday. It's super, super cute. And then I have a cookie exchange party, and I have zero ideas for what kinds of cookies to make. Anyone have a great recipe? Last year I did almond shortbread with raspberry thumbprints. They were delicious, but I'm thinking I should go more for chocolate this year.
I am so bored these days. I have so much extra energy, and nothing to funnel it into. My kids sports are over, so now all of my afternoons are free. So I'll sit down to play with my kids and they don't want to play with me, they want to go outside and play with their friends! I don't even know what to do with this free time. Oh wait, yes I do. Cleave onto Everett like he's the last baby on earth, and possibly ruin him for all time. He's just so cute that when he's naughty I can't even do anything about it. Yesterday he had a Gogurt, and I told him to go and eat it in the kitchen and he straight up said "Nope." RUINED. He has the sweetest little voice though, so when things like that come out of his mouth I just die of cuteness. And then he gets even worse. It's a vicious cycle, and I'm playing right into it. Last night he was throwing a tantrum because he wanted to play with the iPad, and we don't let the kids use technology on school days, and I said "Snowflake (the elf) is watching you, do you want her to tell Santa not to bring you any toys?" that little turkey said "Yes!"
I really, really want to go back to the gym. I'm getting so strong at my day to day activities that sometimes I forget that I really am still recovering, and need to take it easy. Black Friday was the perfect reminder. I shopped all night with a friend, and by the last store I could physically not walk anymore. It took me three days to recover from that. I see the doctor next week and I will see what he says about me joining and doing some upper body work. I haven't really been cleared to engage my core yet because of where my incisions are, that the muscles and cartilage in my upper thigh/right where my hip bends are still healing. Whomp, whomp, whomp, another week just gives my body time to get stronger, and heal more. But! I'm 100% done Christmas shopping now. I just need the rain to stop so that we can go and get a tree.
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